Charles x Raven: A Thesis of the Mind
by ifedexit
Summary: Charles is alone, back in his London mansion. One night, after many nights hoping, Raven comes to the surprise of Hank and Charles. (Of course they don't make out and whatnot that others would instantly assume.) Charles and Raven are back on track to being them against the world and knowing each other's thoughts without telepathy, even if that is just the start for them both.
1. Chapter One

I sat in my study, papers surrounding me. It was my newest ideas on mutation, how it worked, the probability of genes in each parental line. Basically, it was my latest attempt to rid Raven out of my thoughts, to almost deafen the voices blasting their suffering in my mind.

I heard a knock on my door, causing me to put my fingertips to my forehead and give a sigh. "Hank!" I called, listening to yet another knock.

He bounded down the stairs, his eyes searching for me and finding my pen scribbling on the paper. '_He's still trying to lose her,'_ he thought quietly before opening the door.

The unheard rain now dripped into my ears along with Hank's astonished voice. "_**Raven?"**_

"Is Charles here?" a soft voice asked, reaching me in a way that no human could; mainly because she wasn't human. But even the least humane part of her was more than humanity could ever think of giving me.

I moved my chair away from my desk, eventually reaching the ramp I owned in my study from after the incident. My chair's wheels climbed the ramp slowly, revealing her figure when I finally made it out of the room. "Raven…" I whispered, my eyes collecting the droplets that fell off of her.

"May I speak with him alone?" she asked, her attention on Hank to be sure he knew but still being gentle in the way she asked. He nodded and motioned to the stairs with his thumb, his awkward form following the path without another word.

Raven turned to me, her blonde hair melting into red, her white skin seemingly flipping over to uncover her true blue skin. She walked the rest of the way to me, her bright yellow eyes searching my blue ones. "I was thinking about what you said. About me coming home…" She swallowed heavily, her mind scattered with things to say.

As I exited her mind, I nodded, reaching for her hand. "You still can. The offer will always be open. Always," I repeated, just to know that she heard that she would never be turned away from me.

"Thank you," she replied quietly, her breathing shaking slightly. Her hand found mine, the small scales on the side of her thumb on the top of my hand.

"Is something wrong?" I observed her, the way she stood, and watched as her eyes brought a closure to any emotion she might have been feeling. "We've known each other since we were children. I may not know what you're thinking but I don't have to be in your mind to know that something is bothering you."

She sighed, frustration tainting it with a small touch. "What would it matter, Charles? It's not like we can fix things to the way they were." She looked away from me; she was determined to keep what was behind her flaxen gaze.

"Well, not in the beginning, but one day, through time, there's a chance." Her head turned back to me, the wall inside her slowly falling. "But that doesn't mean you have to shut me out," I added, my undeniable hope that I had in her showing through my words.

Her auroral eyes flickered to my study and she gave a silent nod to it as if it were a question. My reply was a small smile, giving her the answer she had been seeking. She dropped my hand, walking gracefully into the room and to the couch. I followed behind her, reminded of it being the same couch that I would read to her in, remember her in, drink to forget her in.

I finally made my way to the side of the couch, realization hitting me when I remembered my struggle without my treatment and without Hank. I was still lost in my own theories on how to move out of my chair when I heard her ask, "Will you read to me?"

I laughed softly, smiling as I somewhat quoted some of myself that found me easily ten years earlier. "I only have my thesis to read." I motioned to my desk, proceeding to lift myself from the chair and turning forcibly with the help of my palms. I gave a soft grunt, eventually landing on the couch.

Raven returned with my notes, admiration in her eyes. "I thought you were still taking your treatment?"

"No, no," I replied, shaking my head and leaving my arm on top of the cushion. She settled at my side, handing the papers to my empty, but expectant, hand. "I stopped in case someone came along. Someone who might need my help." My eyes fell to hers, her once fearful voice booming in my mind.

"_Use your powers, Charles. Stop him,"_ she had said, her wide eyes set on the gun pointing at her.

"_He can't,"_ Erik answered for me, sending her running away from me once again. I had screamed for her afterward, my anger against him causing my blood to boil. What right did he have to take her from me?

I was yanked from my thoughts as Raven's hand touched my cheek. Her blue skin began to disappear slowly with the flipping of scales, the blonde hair she had pictured for herself slowly taking her redlocks by a similar storm that raged on outside.

"Raven, what are you-?" I began, confused to why she wanted to be in disguise again.

"Just read to me," she requested again, her head moving to my shoulder as I began to read.

"As many of my lectures, I will be discussing mutation. But today, unlike my other lectures, it will be about mutation that is inevitable inside of you, inside of **us**." I felt as though I was in front of the crowd of students, both mutant and not, that had once consumed me.

Raven pulled a blanket over us, staying quiet as I explained blood types, hair types, and how it all tied in to the possibility of a powerful being that would be born. I also clarified how I came to be, how my parents were normal to the world but the genes inside them were perfect for what I could do.

Every so often, a chuckle would arise at my side. I finally shifted my gaze from my thesis to her, a chuckle in my own voice. "What on Earth is so funny?"

"Who are you going to say this to, Charles?" She smiled a kind but knowing smile.

"Well after things blow over, I was thinking of going back to before the missile crisis, to actually put my degree to use. I'm just so tired of being useless and surrounded by books I've already read," I admitted, sighing. I could feel the tension that grew in her back; she resented what I was saying with every fiber of her being.

"Why? It's not like you can turn back the clock," she said in a hushed-scolding tone.

"I'm useless here, Raven. I drink, I write things no one will ever read, I sleep sometimes, if I'm lucky! I just want purpose again, to have a place amongst everyone else."

"I know what it's like, but there's got to be anything better than crawling back to the human world. Almost anything. Don't you remember, Charles?"

"What is so wrong with it? People praise God that you, a mutant, saved the President's life. They know the difference now. They know the mutants like _**us**_." I emphasized "us" to let her know that I still thought of her as good, even with all the lives she had taken in vengance.

"Doesn't mean they'll stop killing us," Raven shot back, standing up and moving away from the couch. Anger rose in her, the fierce fire in her vibrant blue eyes appearing again.

"Trask's program lost all funding. He has nothing left to hurt us or kill us with."

"And private funding? What about that?" Her anger let her guard down, enabling me to give the effect that I was standing up. Her eyes followed my movements, her upper lip still turned up into a small snarl.

"Raven," I whispered, my projection moving towards her with a small step. "When will you learn that not everyone is like Trask and Stryker? That people can be good to those they don't understand?" My projection's thumb touched her chin, the index finger moving under her chin; and although the projection was touching her, giving the illusion of my hands, I felt warmth in my fingers.

"But they are," she whispered, her eyes fighting to find the real me.

"Not anymore. I swear to it." I let my projection fade away slowly, Raven taking the opportunity to step through it and blow its remains away.

"And if it still continues?"

"Then I won't stop you. I will try to convince you that violence will lead to nothing but destruction of everything. I will even to to convince you that you can show them a better path because you have it in you to do it. But I won't force you to stay or to not follow through with your plans." She sat down again, sighing in relief.

I flickered my gaze away, craving my liquor once again, the soothing comfort of a freshly washed glass in my grasp. I was promising to let her slip through my fingertips again, as she had so many times before. She must've seen the look in my eyes, the damage that reigned in my features.

"I won't leave," Raven announced softly but simply, turning my head to look at her. "I don't **want** to leave like I did before."

"I believe you, but I… When last I saw you, I almost thought you would come with me. Yet you turned away. I don't how to trust you again, despite the years between us. There was once a time when no one was closer than you and I. But then things changed. How do I know that it won't happen again?"

"Because you can go into my mind and-" she began, but was cut off by my lips pressing together.

"I've broken that promise four times now, Raven," I mentioned. I sighed, closing my eyes for a moment before opening them. "I won't do that until you tell me to. Then, and only then,will I read your mind."

Her sapphire eyes sparkled slightly, her belief in my promise full. It was as though I could see into her thoughts again without having to be in her mind. She smiled softly and reached behind beyond me, grabbing a slightly dusted thesis of before I had gained my degree.

"Isn't this?" Raven started, holding it for me to see. With the stroke my thumb across the title and a small smile in reminiscence, she opened it and began to read. She moved so that her back was against my side again, and my tilted body formed to hers as though we were a mold being completed. My cheek rested against her head as I listened, mouthing the words as her lips did.

The arm that rested on the top of the cushion moved so it was around her, my hand resting over hers. Slowly, her fingers spread, my own overtaking the spaces newly opened. There was a twinge of a smile that sketched itself into my mouth and by the way she read, I could tell she shared it.

She read on, the lightning flashing into the room from the window. And as she turned the page, I kissed the side of her head, like I had so many years ago, and closed my eyes. And bit by bit, her voice carried me to the first peaceful sleep that I had experienced in twelve years.


	2. Chapter Two

I woke up, finding that Raven had disappeared from my side. Had she left again? Had she even been here? Before I could think and search my mind for my my answer, my mind opened up, the voices beginning to scream. I clutched my head, my hands over my ears as I began to scream myself. It seemed as though it was ages before I felt hands over my own.

Their hands moved mine away and called my name loudly, almost pleading with me, as if their voice could break the trauma of the others voices inside. But unlike the many times of continued panics, it settled me. My body shook, my eyes opening to find a pair of bright, yellow ones peering into my own: Raven.

Her eyes kept my gaze as I began to adjust, her hand coming to hold my cheek. I pressed against her touch, feeling my trembling reaching a stop, slowly but surely. "Charles, are you alright?" Her head was tilted so that she was still straight in front of me but the world was out of place.

"Fine, I'm just still unadjusted to t-the voices," I explained, looking to my lap with a slight shame. Things had been easier before the serum. I could enter and exit as I pleased, I could still sleep most nights with the voices, I could wake up without having the searing pain of a thousand lives in my own.

Her scaled, blue thumb stroked my cheek gently before letting it fall, a sad smile replacing her worry for me. She knew I could handle it as I once did but it would take time to reach there again. "Well, I was just making tea. Would you join me?"

"I would love to." I began to sit forward, hearing the thump of my shoes on the floor but not feeling the slightest of difference. I sighed, motioning for her to move but in a calm and gentle way. She followed my gesture and revealed my chair, my grievance.

I took a deep breath and pulled it close so that one of the wheels pressed against the couch and the seat pointed towards me. I shifted so that I had my body even with the chair, my arms finding the arm rests. I lifted, feeling the muscles of my arms stretch as I held my body up. I moved so that I was above the seat and slowly came down, careful to seem proper. I side-glanced up to see that Raven's expression was slightly pained in remembrance.

"Shall we?" I asked, motioning toward the kitchen. I could feel her gaze tear through my roughened interior, already melting away the things she knew I couldn't keep hidden forever. I looked forward again, my hand finding the control and moved towards the whistling kettle on the stove.

"How have you made it this long? How can you live with it?" she inquired quietly from behind me. I came to a stop, my head turning for just a moment before continuing.

"How can I live with what?" I replied, reminding myself to keep my brain to myself, to block her thoughts from my mind.

"Being paralyzed." Before I could stop it, I could see back in time, feel the bullet break my spine as it went through my skin with it's curve. A curve only Erik, her former lover, could supply. I remembered the months following it, the hope I had that piece by piece began to break.

"I don't," I responded simply. It wasn't what she wanted to hear odds were but it was the truth. I didn't want to hide behind lies anymore, telling Hank I was fine was one thing but her? She had known me since we were children, grew up by each other's sides. It was like- no, _**was-**_ lying to the person who was closest to me.

I heard her soft intake of breath, as if she was surprised by my response. She did see me last time, didn't she? Didn't she see my unshaven face and long hair? They were signs that proved the lack of will I had been showing, especially with my legs.

"And what about Hank? How is he doing?" Her voice shook slightly, and as I passed to find my kettle, I saw her reflection. Her expression was focused on me intensely, her eyes holding a blend of sadness but understanding for me. She had been living in her own solitary world and I had never taken notice. I felt selfish even now for saying that sentence, even letting her see into my thoughts.

But that's who we were back before the Erik, before Shaw, before this mansion had become what it was now. We told each other the truth except one. That I loved her, that I regretted not pleading for her to stay at my side.

"He's doing well. He still takes his serum but his was always balanced. He has always taken enough to keep permanently in human form but severe anger provokes it as well as hitting him and such. I learned that quite quickly when Logan was with us." It seemed like a brief description, not quite what Hank deserved but I didn't say more. "How is your leg?" I turned to face her, waiting for her answer.

"Still a bit sore but healing well." Raven turned her leg to show a somewhat ragged and thick but slowly fading scab. Around it was scar tissue but it was still healing remarkably faster than it should've been.

"I'm glad to hear it." My hand reached up and grabbed the kettle from it's place, moving it to another burner (one turned off, of course). I turned back around, moving to reach the cabinets. I gave a sigh and almost called for Hank but then looked behind myself. "Raven, if you would, please grab me two cups. I'll grab the tea bags."

She nodded, walking to the cabinet and taking out two cups. As she did so, I grabbed a wooden box from the counter, looking to the glass on front of it and then carefully lifting the lid. I pulled Earl Grey tea for myself. "What would you like?"

Her eyes searched through the options, taking only a moment before pointing to the one in the middle. "I'd like the Rose Congou." I nodded and took it out, setting the box onto the counter and undoing the packaging. I placed the bags into both of our cups as she held them out to me, giving me a gentle, cobalt colored smile. The blue slowly died away to a paler form of herself, clothes replacing her former nakedness.

I smiled back only slightly, craving to level in height with her. I understood things were better this way, or at least one time, it was. There were many times since my last encounter with her that I had almost caved until taking the serum, to feel my legs and walk once again. But then I would remember that single, solitary moment when Raven finally needed me. But instead of having my powers, I had legs and a head of silence.

My mouth opened to say something when Hank's footsteps caught her attention. Her gaze shifted to him and her smile stayed, giving a nod of greeting. "Good morning, Hank. Would you like some tea?"

"Oh, er, no," he answered after quick thought. "I'm a coffee kind of guy. But thanks." He gave a smile, adjusting his glasses and attempting to fix his air. '_So she wasn't a dream,'_ his thoughts added. I began to proceed towards the stove, feeling Hank's eyes move to follow me.

I knew how Hank felt about Raven, anyone who had seen them in the same room could see it. I also knew that the last time I had stepped aside for another man, she had gone with him in thoughts that she would be loved and accepted there. '_No, she was not, Hank,'_ I spoke, but in the place that only he could hear: his mind. I heard his soft gasp as I tore the mental block he had began to build on me. I was much stronger than I had been before.

'_I will not fight you, Hank. Lose your guilt.'_ I poured the hot water into my cup, feeling the spin of my chair as I faced both of them. "If you will, please get the formula." Hank gave a nod and disappeared, leaving me to only bounce my tea bag in my water.

"What the hell do you think you're doing, Charles?" There was an anger in Raven's voice, one I hadn't heard since the White House incident. I glanced up to meet her angered sapphire eyes.

"I wanted to walk today. No one even remembers that I live here." I sighed, finally taking a drink of my Earl Grey, my tongue taking in it's strong taste. "Besides, what harm will come of it? I will take just enough so that I'm still up here," I explained, two fingers coming up to tap my temple, "but so that I'm not in here." Both hands came down to hit the arm rests, giving emphasis.

"What's so wrong with it?" she demanded, her eyebrow raising. "What is so wrong with staying in that chair and having your powers?"

"What's so wrong with having both?" I snapped, finding a fierceness unleash itself in my tone. "What's so wrong with wanting to be able to walk without someone clutching my side and telling me that my chair is not so far away!"

I stopped when I heard Hank begin to pad down the stairs. I could hear the ramblings that were inside his head in mine, parts of it advising against the idea of taking the serum, another part knowing I would choose it like I had for years.

He walked into the kitchen, already having the proper amount drawn for my spine. I set aside my cup, rolling up my shirt sleeve and holding my hand out for the syringe. I could sense her disapproval from the all that space between us but even so, I pressed the tip of the syringe into the vein two inches from my wrist. I could feel the warmth that ran through my body as I kept pressing the liquid out. Eventually, it ran out and I pulled the needle out, handing the syringe to Hank. I moved my arm up, pressing the inside of my lower arm as close as I could to my bicep. I closed my eyes, feeling that quickly fading dizziness before I stood.

I took a deep breath, pulling my left leg up and feeling a few tendons popping in and out of place. I put my leg down and repeated the same action with my left, pulling my sleeve down. "Well, after breakfast tea, I hope you will join me for walking around the house, Raven." I gave her a small smile before turning to pick up my cup.

"Of course," she replied, sighing in my direction. "I'm just going to go change into something. I'll see you in about fifteen minutes, alright?"

"That sounds splendid. Your clothes are still in your room." By the last sentence, I was calling after her, a twinge of frustration running through me.

I took a drink from my cup before walking out of the kitchen and taking my climb up the first set of stairs. I turned left and began to climb the other set, reaching the top of the stairs. As I walked to my room, I took sips of my tea, making the last turn before entering the door.

I walked to my bathroom, stripping down and taking a quick shower. I looked in the mirror with a towel around my waist, taking in my long hair and beard. I took my shaver and trimmed it down, still having facial hair, but very controlled. I searched myself, taking in the bags under my eyes, the red that rimmed on the bottom line of my eye lid. "Oh Charles…." I mumbled to myself before turning away and walking into my room.

I chose a light blue shirt, a pair of black slacks underneath. I kept the first button open, looking into my mirror to be sure that I looked presentable. I sent a comb through my hair once again, then used my towel to dry it more. With a hand through my hair, it reached its normal waves. I gave a satisfactory nod before hanging my towel and leaving my room. I walked down the stairs once again, turning to study first to look for her but hearing her voice from behind me.

"I'm right here." I looked and moved my body to face her, a look of awe taking over my features as I suddenly became more breathless than at the beach. "What? Do I look weird?"

"No, no." The words instantly rolled out of my mouth as I shook my head. "It's just been so long." I blinked as she approached me, her limp less prominent now. I shoved my hands into my pockets, seeing her smile towards me. It was a radiant one, one like she used to smile at me with. Her hands clasped together as she reached my side, sending me spinning on my heel to keep up with her.

We walked to the door in silence and I opened it, holding it for her before looking back to Hank. He stood in the light of the doorway, giving me a look of curiosity. I gave him the freedom of his thoughts as I faced the light outside my mansion once again, closing it off from the inside by reclosing the door.

Raven waited on the steps for me, beginning to proceed forward when I came to her step. Her blonde hair fell onto her collarbones, the light shining on it as if it were where the rays originated. The blush that rose in her cheeks as we trudged through the rocks that made the pathway slowly grew darker and darker. She, after several minutes, broke the silence.

"Why do you keep staring at me?" Her eyes met mine, her azure orbs focused on what might be behind mine.

"Because I don't know how much longer if I have left to do it," I retorted, shrugging as I kept pace with her stroll. "At one time of my life, I took advantage of the fact that I could look at you every day, smile at you every day. Even when I learned we weren't fighting quite the same war, I still took advantage of it. I never thought in a million decades that you would leave. And now you have. Not once, but twice."

"Charles…" she began, a guilt overtaking her despite the quiet protest.

"I mean it, Raven," I interrupted, pausing and rotating to see her hurt expression. "For eleven years, I spent almost every day thinking of you, thinking of how I let you go on that beach in Cuba. How I pushed you away whenever we were at bars together and until weeks before our mission, I didn't know what I had. I had someone I needed, that I still needed. And then I lost you. I went almost mad trying to forget, trying to make all those voices in agony stop. And then I saw you, months ago, and something woke up inside me once again. A new hope woke up inside of me and I realized you weren't truly lost to me forever. That there would be another time where we could be as before. But the difference is that I'm no longer blind to it."

"To what?" Raven's eyes took their brilliant turn as her skin regained its blue pigment, her blonde curls burning away until they were a red flame.

"The fact that I've been in love with you a long time. Almost since the day we met."


	3. Chapter 3

Raven stayed quiet, turning away without another word. I was almost tempted to go into her mind, to see what she was thinking. Did she love me? Or was this like I used to see her, as simply a sibling? But after several minutes of nothing but the gravel against the soles of our shoes, she finally broke the silence.

"Charles, do you remember when we were growing up together? When we made Valentine's for each other so our boxes looked just as full as the other kids?" She side- glanced to me, her eyes catching the light in a surprisingly tender way.

"Yes, of course. I don't think it worked," I answered, adding the end to force a laugh for her. I was hoping to hear it again after so long. To my utter surprise, it worked, her laugh filling the air around me in a warmth.

"Well, that's when I decided." She took a deep intake of breath, exhaling it loudly before giving the rocks a rough kick.

"Decided on what?" I raised an eyebrow, my face turning to look at her fully. My eyes met hers as she gave an almost sad laugh.

"That I loved you. It was just you and me, blue skinned and mind reading, but that was what made me know. Just the way you stared at me… I could've been all those other girls in the bar or in the classrooms, just younger," Raven explained, shrugging slightly.

"Why didn't you tell me?" My hands moved to clutch the Oxford pin I always kept in my pocket, running my thumb over the three crowns that had been engraved with gold on the top.

"Well, as you knew, I was a shy little girl. And when I had finally got the courage to say thing anything, you'd left me for the pleated skirts at Oxford. You stared at those girls the way I would wish you had stared at me." She paused for a moment, biting her lip before opening her mouth once again. "If you loved me for so long, why didn't you ever tell me?"

I chuckled, smiling a tight smile but pressing my lips together as I did. It wasn't that I was ignoring her, it was that _**I**_ didn't know why myself. And then it came to me, as almost everything did after I had taken the serum. _I thought she didn't want me._

"Well?" she demanded, impatience growing in her voice. She had never had much of it anyway, and after years of being at Erik's side, it had waned to almost nothing. She kicked more of the stones, sighing frustratedly.

"I thought you wanted nothing more than to be my little sister. So I moved on to drinking in bars and seducing girls into coming home with me with science. But believe you me, they were never who I wanted it to be." We reached the first curve of the path, making the bend and walking to the view of the almost entirely windowed part of the house.

"No? Then why did you get angry every time I 'slipped up' at the bars to actually get you to pay attention to me?" Raven's voice was rising in anger as her hands came up to quote me. "It's not like you wanted them, is it?" she mocked, stopping and turning to me. I spun on my heel to look at her, catching my reflection in the windows ahead of me. I focused my gaze on hers, taking a deep breath.

"No, it's… It's more complicated than that, Raven," I growled, balling my hand into a fist, feeling the cap of the pin dig into my palm.

"Then what is it?" she snapped, crossing her arms. "And don't say that it was because you didn't want to think about me or whatever nonsense you got from a-"

"It was because I was afraid for you!" I bellowed, interrupting her without a single thought. "You always wanted to look like everyone else and then you would just go around and turn your eye color or change your appearance without even thinking about it!" I drew in a breath, filling my lungs and then exhaled, giving a slight wince. As the years had waned her patience, it had eroded control of my tongue.

She looked taken back with my response, the flash of hurt that lay in those yellow eyes told me I had damaged a very fragile thing. And in a way, I knew I was hurting her but she also knew that she was asking. We had never held anything from each other, why start now? Finally, after just staring at each other for what seemed like an eternity, she broke through a wall of ice.

"I did it to get your attention," she mumbled after a while, exhaling a breath loudly.

"And you know why I didn't pay attention. I thought you were just doing it to push my limits of toleration," I replied, focusing my blue orbs to the ground, on the grass, anything but her.

"I know." Silence once again overtook us in a wave, our walking resuming as before. Until, yet again, she chose to break the bond.

"But you know that we still can't just.. Things won't be the same. The Raven you knew before now was gone a long time ago, Charles. You know that, don't you?"

I kicked a pebble with the top of my penny loafers, sighing. "I refuse to believe that. You aren't the girl I grew up with but you aren't a murderer either. That's what Erik convinced you that you had to be in order to be accepted."

"Or I reached that conclusion when you wouldn't let me walk out the door like this," she insisted, causing me to look up and see the dirty look she was giving me. "No one accepts us and you know that. You've been in almost all of our heads for at least a moment and what do you see? You see people who can't be themselves because the world might riot them. Now what about that makes you think we can live in peace forever?"

"Did you enjoy killing them? Did you enjoy the feeling of their breath coming to an end at your hands? Or was it because you were venting out your pain that made it acceptable to you?" My eyebrows furrowed together as I saw the cracks in her mask beginning to thicken. "Is it you making peace with your inner pain that makes you able to kill men and not bat an eyelash?"

"No," she whispered, looking away. "I've never been okay with killing. I've always just made the excuse that they started murdering us and our only option was to retaliate."

"So taking the very soul of a man because he killed those close to you is excused? Does that make it revenge to you? You have the chance to be better; your DNA proves we _are_ better. But until a few months ago, you were them." My tone was scolding and as cold as a desert in the night.

"I am nothing like them," she hissed with distaste. I felt her fingers wrap around my throat and her golden eyes locked with mine, a fierce light burning in them. She released me with a gentle push, making me stumble slightly before I caught my footing.

"Raven, I'm not try to offend you. I'm trying to give you the truth. And as your friend, I think you deserve at least that," I explained, watching her posture relax as if she had seen some threat in my words.

'_Are they fighting?'_ Hank's voice more prominently said. With him, I usually chose to block him out. But here and there, little messages would slip through the cracks and I would see a glimpse into his brain. In other times, I would wake up in the morning and hear him as well, whether it was dreams or thoughts. Normally, it was a clutter of chemistry, physics, and theories of things to test in his private lab.

'_Not now Hank,'_ I spoke, sighing softly. He knew better than to spy on me like that, even if I was alone.; or, in this case, having a private conversation with someone who I hadn't seen but three times in the span of twelve years.

"All I'm telling you, Charles, is not to expect so much. Heaven knows I've disappointed you before." Raven turned on her heel and walked the opposite direction of me, huffing as she went. I knew if I followed her, she'd just run, knowing fully well that I wouldn't be able to catch up to her.

'_Maybe you should just leave her alone for awhile, Charles,'_ Hank advised, causing me to spin around to the window. He looked slightly shocked that I had even listened to him, much less that I was looking at him with an angry expression. He gave a small smile, quickly lowering himself so that he hid behind the bench near the window.

I gave out a exhalation of frustration and rotated back to the walkway, furiously kicking the gravel ahead of me. I sighed, beginning to trudge through all the turns of the trail, letting my thoughts become engulfed on what I would say to Raven when I next saw her that wouldn't make me look like a fool. Was I a fool to think that she would accept me as I was?

'_No,'_ I thought, shaking my head to myself and feeling strands of hair brush against my cheeks. She had accepted Erik, a man who had murdered for vengeance but found that taking the life of one was never enough for him. Even when I had felt the good in him, I knew the darkness lie in him like a cancer almost, one that would always come back now matter how it was treated.

I reached the patch of land that I had wandered off with Erik to discuss the team alone often, stressing my faith in them as he poured out his fears. It was there that I saw his goodness, that he truly did have a soul. But in the house, he was smooth, collected, calm, but overall, violent and manipulative. Even in the days of our friendship, I saw it. But like Erik had turned away from me on the beach, I turned from my memories and picked up pace slightly.

I reached the beginning of the house and walked to the steps, looking back to the opening that once was full of cars of children kissing mothers and fathers goodbye for the semester to study and control their powers before they would take their break. In ways, I wished I had stayed at Oxford and been normal. Sure, the laughter of controlling fire would be replaced with the laughter of an A printed neatly on a student's paper.

The door opened and I snapped out of my pondering, met with an awkward smile belonging to Hank. "Charles?" he asked quietly, observing the look on my face. It must have been somewhat devastated but joyful wrapped into one. "What are you thinking?"

That was a question that he had often asked me in the past, different stories following each time. Once, it was the moment he had presented me with the serum to block out the world's agony to save what was left of my sanity; another was when I had spent the whole day looking out the window and into nothing. The inquiry was his way of making it known he was still there for me, despite the things that had happened between us.

"Just a bit of thinking, Hank." I climbed the stairway, stopping as I reached the door frame. I gave his shoulder a gentle pat and mustered the best reassuring smile I had in almost ages. "Don't worry. I won't be burying myself into another thesis for a long time." I gave out a laugh and dropped my hand, walking past him.

The smile fell away as I heard the door shut, giving me only one option. I trudged to my study, shuffling through my papers until I found it. It was dusty so I puffed up my cheeks and blew on the top, reading the bold print that was covered and now showing how bent it had been under my books. The title read: **Oxford University Professor Application**.

I looked around for any sign of Raven before scribbling my name on the top line and setting it back down. I would be going against every word she had said to me, that I was different and that I couldn't join the normal world without giving up another. And despite that fact she would hate me for it, I found myself thrilled at the idea of passing time with papers of students and being buried in the work that had started me on my path in the first place.


End file.
